5 days till showtime

Well I guess with all the hustle and bustle of the Colorado show my body got a little run down. It took about two day for it to hit me but I have been terribly sick. I have never had a sinus infection so bad. I could not even chew egg whites this morning my teeth hurt so much. I am a crank ass and all I want to do is relax and have fun with my friends. If I ever say I want to do another show back to back I hope someone will slap some sense into me. I think it would have been fine had I not gotten sick but I am sick of the food and I am gagging just trying to get tuna and asparagus down. When you have a sinus infection everything taste like crap anyway much less asparagus and tuna. It pretty much taste like that all the time. I went to the doctor 3 days ago and was put o antibiotics which I never take, I hate that crap but I was desperate knowing my show was next weekend so I decided I better do it plus I was in so much pain they could have given me anything and I probably would have taken it.

I am a big grouch! I have been dieting since Christmas and it is taking its toll on my social like and my family life. My family has sacrificed a lot too. All my friends are getting together Thursday for lunch and a movie but I will not be able to attend because I do not want to be around all the food. I am not worried about cheating because I won't but why put myself through that. I mean I am 5 days out and that restaurant is not closing anytime soon. The food will be there in a week. I am getting the "you have an eating disorder looks" from friends and I am tired of it. I am tired of the misconceptions of bodybuilding. Hell yes I have to lose a lot of weight to get rid of the fat on my ass, I am a women and that is just the way it is so I everyone just needs to get over it and stop feeling sorry for me. I am sick of it and I choose to do this but, it does not excuse the fact that I am sick to death of it. Everyone makes a huge big deal when someone in our building runs a marathon but everyone acts as if I am some kind of freak for my training. Really? I guess if I was training for a full marathon and lost 20 lbs it would be okay? Whatever! I am tired of the same foods. I love to cook and cannot wait to cook. I am going to cook all summer long. I never thought I would be anxious to put weight on but I truly do not like how thin I am, I look old in the face and my implants look funny. I weighed 108 at the doctors office so no wonder I cannot get well. I need to weigh at least 115-120 to feel and look healthy. I am going to get there too one calorie and a time.

I am not sure how the missed workouts are going to effect me as far as how I look on Saturday. I just know that this is the first time I have had to miss a workout in at least a year maybe longer so mentally it is tough on me. I will be doing the happy dance on Saturday night after all this is over and I can eat whatever the hell I want!

12 days out to Tulsa

Yes, back to back shows. I had a blast in Colorado! I cannot even tell you what a awesome team I have the pleasure of being a member of. I could never do what I do without these girls. I would have never felt like I was good enough. Some of these girls I have know for a few years but never met in person however when meeting them it seemed as though I had known them for years. I love them all and they have a special place in my heart forever.

I was the only one in my classes so Boo on that! I am starting to get used to it but I still had a blast. I just decide I was going to have fun and I did. I was laughing on stage because the Diva's were cheering so loud. I just got tickled. I was not nervous at all. I think I am finally comfortable on the stage now that I am thinking this one in 12 days will be my last. I know it will be for a very long time but I am sure I will get the itch again. I just love this sport.

I could not post without telling you I ate a 1/2 thin crust cheese pizza and a big piece of cheesecake. I did not order the cake but ended up eating bites of everyone who did so I am sure it added up to an entire piece. The drive home was long and I was not in the mood for tuna at all so I ate way too may almonds. I was back on track the very next day and now am 100%. I need to stay that way for the next 12 days so I can look halfway decent on stage. This show is the same show I did last year and it was fun so this is all fun for me now.

1 week out and feeling fantastic!

I am sorry I have not had time to blog at all! I have been so busy training and trying to get everything ready for next Saturday. I am so freaking excited and truly believe I will be leaner than I have ever been. My diet has been spot on except for one slip up and it was just a little almond mishap. I have not done all the cardio that my trainer wanted me to do. I have been focusing on my health and listening to my body. I am sorry I have not even had time to post anymore pics. It is getting down to the last week of school and I am super busy there too. I barely have time to fit everything in.

I will post pics and results of my show next Saturday. I am ready to have something other than fish and asparagus. That and tuna is about all I have had since Christmas. I smaller than I have ever been. I weighed 114.4 this morning and with dry out it looks like I will be around 109 so I don't have to tell you that I have no clothes at all to wear. I am in a loose size 4 jeans. My face is looking old and my abs are popping big time. I do need to put some weight back on but not before my show in Tulsa, it will be 2 weeks after this one and then I am probably gonna hang it up for a few years. I have some other things to mark off my bucket list. Don't think that does not mean I will not be a fitness freak because I will always be one. It is just me.

Thank you to all who left comments from my last post. I miss reading all your blogs and I promise I am gonna catch up some day!

4 weeks and starting to wear down

Well it was 4 weeks out on Saturday and I am starting to feel like I have been run over. I am sure it is due to lack of sleep lately. My weigh in was Saturday and I am right at 116 which is 3 lbs smaller than my last competition. I thought I was pretty darn lean then so you can imagine how I am feeling now. I still have some stubborn little fat on my thighs and just under my butt cheeks. That is where I always carry my extra weight so of course it is going to be the last to come off.

I am not eager to eat crap like I was my first couple of shows. I have learned after competing now for the 4th time that it is not worth it. The only thing I really am missing is having a cheat meal once a week. I love to cook and miss cooking healthy meals, like my healthy pizza and protein cookies. I have never been one to eat crap at all. I guess that is why the dieting down does not really bother me. I weigh now what I weighed in High School, HA! but then I did not have the fat pockets lingering around and my hips were not as wide. Welcome to mommyhood. I would not change that for a second anyway so I don't mind the wide hips and fat pockets.

I am learning a lot about myself and what is important. I am almost 90% sure that my June comp will be my last. I need to finish my Master's degree which I have been putting off and I am not getting any younger.

I cannot figure out all the new blogs but so want to change mine and get back at it. I am eager to have my summer vacation time so I can spend a little time catching up. I do have a lot planned in a short time though so I hope I don't have to keep putting that off. I remember how I loved blogging and I do miss it.

We are booked for 5 days in Mexico after the Tulsa show and I plan on enjoying some R&R. I love going on vacation right after comp because I feel so good in my bikini that I don't even feel the need to cover up.

School is out in just 4 weeks and my vacation will begin. It has been another very long year for me. If there was ever a time for me to be able to transfer it will be this next year. Fingers crossed for me on that one.

I have to send pics to my trainer next week, if they turn out decent I will post them.

Time has gotten away from me.

Just wanted to post something since I seemed to have missed posting over the weekend. I am now 4.5 weeks out and counting. I am so ready to do this and get on with my life. I am getting tired and weary from the dieting. I contemplated even doing this show and although it has been a pretty easy prep I am struggling mentally now. I am starving all the time, probably due to all the cardio I am doing and I am not doing all the cardio I was suppose to do. There was no way I could work and do all that cardio so I just do the best I can. This is suppose to be fun for me and when it no longer is fun I will be calling it quits. My sleep has not been great, it is hit or miss. I wake up starving and then cannot go back to bed. It is enough to make you want to jump off a cliff! I am sick to death of fish and asparagus. I eat tuna and asparagus at 8am everyday. Some of my evening meals are only spaced 1.5 hrs apart because I cannot wait any longer without killing something or someone.

My weight is sitting at 117 and has consistently gone down week after week. I have no clothes to wear but yet I still have fat on my butt and the back of my legs. I know it is the last to go and hell if it doesn't I am screwed because my new suit came in and the bottoms are tight. When I pulled it from the package I had to laugh because it was so tiny!

So there it is, not much else going on. I am booked for a cruise in June and look forward to some serious R&R on the beach.

6 weeks and counting

I cannot believe how fast this prep is going. I am sure it is because I am staying so busy with the end of school and other stuff. Only 6 more weeks of school and I will be free. I can hardly wait! I need a break so bad and am looking forward to a Mexico vacation in June just sitting on the beach drinking margaritas.

Prep is going great. This was my first week that was really tough with a new meal change mostly because I felt very hungry. I emailed Mike and he added some stuff so hopefully it will help this week. I was really wanting to eat something other than asparagus and chicken this weekend but of course I did not do it. I cannot wait to have some Pei Wei my favorite restaurant. I am leaning out more this time around and I hope that keeps up. I am sitting at 118.4 pounds right now and have consistently lost weight ever week but one and the week after that I lost more so it all evened out I guess. The bad part about this is that I don't have anything to wear. It would be great if I was rich and could buy a ton of cute clothes but I hate to spend the money only to be able to wear it for one summer. Although, my goal is to stay at 120 from now on. I thought 125 was perfect for me but I just feel better at 120 and I think I look good in my clothes.

Well there is the update, I will be posting pics next week. I wish I had time to post them weekly but I don't so I will do it when I can. Suit will be here this week and then off to a friends who is stoning it for me. I still need to send in my entry stuff but that is pretty much it. I am ready to rock this and meet up with all my Diva friends.

7 weeks to go.

Yes, I am counting down the days. It is not so much so I can have a cheat but just that I can relax a bit. I am still feeling pretty darn good for 7 weeks out. I do have my days where I do not have a lot of energy but I am working on getting more sleep this time around even if it cuts into some of my cardio time. I know that sounds bad but I am consistently losing so I think I will be okay, I hope anyway. Although, this was the first week the scale did not budge one ounce but hopefully that means this week there will be even a bigger drop. I am leaning out slowly and my metabolism is revved up! I am starving 5 minutes after I eat so that sucks. I have had no cravings whatsoever. I am not taking any fat burners either, I never have. I figure I don't need my body screwed up anymore than what the actual dieting does to it so I only take my vitamins and that is it.
I am using this blog mostly for a journal so I will be able to look back at where I was but thanks for the comments you guys left. I hope my blog can become a little more interesting this summer when I have more time.I will try to post progress pics next week.