5 days till showtime

Well I guess with all the hustle and bustle of the Colorado show my body got a little run down. It took about two day for it to hit me but I have been terribly sick. I have never had a sinus infection so bad. I could not even chew egg whites this morning my teeth hurt so much. I am a crank ass and all I want to do is relax and have fun with my friends. If I ever say I want to do another show back to back I hope someone will slap some sense into me. I think it would have been fine had I not gotten sick but I am sick of the food and I am gagging just trying to get tuna and asparagus down. When you have a sinus infection everything taste like crap anyway much less asparagus and tuna. It pretty much taste like that all the time. I went to the doctor 3 days ago and was put o antibiotics which I never take, I hate that crap but I was desperate knowing my show was next weekend so I decided I better do it plus I was in so much pain they could have given me anything and I probably would have taken it.

I am a big grouch! I have been dieting since Christmas and it is taking its toll on my social like and my family life. My family has sacrificed a lot too. All my friends are getting together Thursday for lunch and a movie but I will not be able to attend because I do not want to be around all the food. I am not worried about cheating because I won't but why put myself through that. I mean I am 5 days out and that restaurant is not closing anytime soon. The food will be there in a week. I am getting the "you have an eating disorder looks" from friends and I am tired of it. I am tired of the misconceptions of bodybuilding. Hell yes I have to lose a lot of weight to get rid of the fat on my ass, I am a women and that is just the way it is so I everyone just needs to get over it and stop feeling sorry for me. I am sick of it and I choose to do this but, it does not excuse the fact that I am sick to death of it. Everyone makes a huge big deal when someone in our building runs a marathon but everyone acts as if I am some kind of freak for my training. Really? I guess if I was training for a full marathon and lost 20 lbs it would be okay? Whatever! I am tired of the same foods. I love to cook and cannot wait to cook. I am going to cook all summer long. I never thought I would be anxious to put weight on but I truly do not like how thin I am, I look old in the face and my implants look funny. I weighed 108 at the doctors office so no wonder I cannot get well. I need to weigh at least 115-120 to feel and look healthy. I am going to get there too one calorie and a time.

I am not sure how the missed workouts are going to effect me as far as how I look on Saturday. I just know that this is the first time I have had to miss a workout in at least a year maybe longer so mentally it is tough on me. I will be doing the happy dance on Saturday night after all this is over and I can eat whatever the hell I want!